We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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