these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
