Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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