I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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