Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
