I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize