Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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