i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
