'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
