Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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