Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
