Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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