Slut skills are useful in every country.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
