omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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