saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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