in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
