I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
