I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
