My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
