Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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