so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
