so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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