lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
