Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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