So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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