I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
