im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
