So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
