I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
