Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
please come you make the beer taste better
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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