Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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