stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
