he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
