ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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