i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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