who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
