do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
