He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
