Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
