I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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