we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
