I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
