Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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