I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
