you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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