I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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