do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
