Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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