My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
