Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
