This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
