i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
