Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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