Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
