Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
