How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
