i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
