ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
