I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
