Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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