On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
