I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
