He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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