With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
