I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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